The food guilt we didn’t mean to pass on...
Let’s talk about something that slips out of our mouths more often than we realize, and how it quietly shapes the way our kids see food.
You’re at the table, finishing dinner, and you casually say:
“Ugh, I was so bad today, I had two cookies. ”Or maybe:
“I shouldn’t be eating this after what I had for lunch.”Or even:
“I’m skipping dinner… I already overdid it earlier.”
It seems like nothing. Just venting. Just words we’ve probably heard our whole lives.
But here’s what most parents don’t realize:
Our kids are always listening.
Not just when we’re teaching or correcting them, but especially when we’re talking to ourselves.
Every little comment we make about food, guilt, or our bodies… it adds up. Like background music they didn’t choose but are learning the words to anyway.
When we label food as something that makes us “bad” or “good”…When we act like we have to earn it, punish ourselves for enjoying it, or “make up” for eating it later…We’re teaching more than we think.
We’re teaching that food is tied to our worth.
That what you eat decides whether you’re disciplined or a failure. In control or out of control. Deserving or not.
Even if we never say those exact words to our child, the energy behind them is loud.
I’ve worked with families where:
A child starts hiding candy wrappers under their bed.
A kid asks, “Is this food bad?” with genuine worry.
Or they say, “I don’t deserve dessert today,” after a big meal.
That didn’t start with them. It started with the messages swirling around them at home, school, media, but especially from us. This is something I dive into more deeply in my book Behind Kids Eating Habits, because once you start to notice these patterns, you can begin to shift them.
Here’s the thing. You don’t need to be perfect. You’re allowed to have your own feelings around food.
But we can be more intentional.
We can start shifting the script in small, doable ways:
Instead of: “I was so bad today.”
Try: “Those cookies really hit the spot, I’m glad I enjoyed them.”
Instead of skipping a meal to balance out a treat, model gentle balance:
“Hmm, I’m not super hungry right now, I’ll have something lighter and check in with my body later.”
These swaps aren’t about being fake. They’re about showing a different kind of relationship with food. One built on trust, not fear. Presence, not shame.
We want our kids to feel at ease with food. To trust their hunger. To know they’re not “bad” for loving cake.
And that starts with what they hear and feel around us.
Even our tone matters. The energy behind our words matters.
When you speak with calm, with confidence, with less stress — your child absorbs that, too. They feel it.
So next time you find yourself about to say something like, “I shouldn’t be eating this,” try pausing. Ask yourself, “Is this something I’d want my child to say about themselves one day?”
